For starters, I thought I’d explain some basics I have learned in my short-time understanding my diagnosis. I want you (my friends and family) to (at least) have a basic understanding of Autism, know how to speak about Autism, and see Autism with an open-mind. My hope is that not only will you understand ME better, but that you will know how to better support others that you meet with Autism.
When I learned I was getting tested for Autism (and by proxy, ADHD), I tried not to tell everyone… But as I’ll get into later, I do not experience “vulnerability” in the same capacity as most people. So it was really difficult for me to not tell everyone about how I excited I was to be getting tested. Or in other words, I’m an open book when it comes to any personal details about myself (hence this blog).
I learned quickly, that I needed to preface the news of my testing by saying, “I’m actually really excited to get tested because it could potentially provide me with tools to make my life easier”. I discovered I needed to say this or else I would likely get a response along the lines of, “Oh… Well, I don’t think you’re Autistic. You don’t ‘act’ Autistic.” While this response from my friends was well-intentioned… it was also discouraging, unhelpful, and ultimately unsupportive. These friends, while trying to be kind were including their own disability bias in their response (instead of thinking about how I actually felt).
So how should these have friends responded? Something along the lines of, “Good for you! What made you interested in getting tested? Let me know how I can support you, moving forward.” This response is a solid reaction when learning about anyone getting tested for a disability or medical condition they think they may have.
Which of my friends gave me a version of this response? I received this response from friends who work in medicine and who have been professionally trained in how to respond to this type of situation. This goes to show that we could all use a lesson in the basics of how to best support individuals with disabilities.
Another point of confusion my friends and family experienced was over the infamous Autism “spectrum”. Now, I am of course no expert in Autism, and I am learning with you. But in my research I have come to understand the spectrum as a “rainbow” (yet another reason to love rainbows). Each of the colors that make up this rainbow is tied to a category of Autistic traits (i.e. motor skills, communication skills, social skills, etc). To be diagnosed with Autism, you must have traits from each of these categories, with at least one of the categories being more dominant.
This is why describing an individual with Autism as “High-Functioning” or someone’s Autism as “Mild” is accurate. Someone might lack communication skills, but be a mathematical genius (something not visible to the naked eye). But because their lack of communication skills is so obvious, they may get labeled as having “Severe” Autism. However, judging someone’s Autism solely based upon what you can see, fails to give credit to less apparent superpowers that individual may have.