Let me start by saying that I love my Boomer parents dearly and am fortunate to have a good relationship with them.
And I have felt like the black sheep in my family for almost my entire adult life. I feel ashamed that as an adult I have struggled so much to secure stable employment. Don’t even get me started about trying to find a job that pays you what you’re worth. Does that unicorn even exist?
Before my AuDHD diagnosis, when I had yet to develop an understanding of late-stage capitalism (or “terminal” capitalism as I darkly call it), I couldn’t understand why no matter how hard I tried, I failed to secure stable, paid, enjoyable work.
During my college portfolio show, I was recruited to work as a Production Designer for a local retail brand. They sold formal dresses for prom, homecoming, quinceañeras, and other special occasions. We don’t need to get into the irony of how I boycotted my own prom because as an Autistic I felt othered by my fellow students. Oh, and that dancing in public is one of the most terrifying things for me!
I didn’t stay at that first job long. The owner, my boss, ended up being a tyrant who screamed at my coworkers (thankfully never me), eagerly talked sh*t about clients, demanded we work overtime without extra pay, sincerely declared she could spot a closeted gay man, and generally enjoyed flexing her power in uncomfortable ways.
I asked my parents what I should do. With such a stressful work environment, continuing work at that job did not feel sustainable. Plus, I feared the day that my boss would catch me in her cross-hairs. Why should I tolerate being paid barely above minimum wage to deal with such an explosive and unkind human?
But I also didn’t want to leave my very first real job out of college. Also, I had been recruited – they had wanted me. As someone, who rarely catches the attention of anyone, this made me feel special. I remember laughing to myself cynically as I thought about how my next job would not so straightforwardly seek to employ me.
My parents agreed. I should “stick it out.” They cautioned me to keep the job for at least one year, or else it would start me off on the wrong foot in my career. After a year, I could quit, and move on to another job.
I however could not fathom how that would be mentally possible. My stress was maxed out, I worked in fear, and I was doing work beneath my skill level for not that much pay. I could barely make it through the next week, let alone another month, and certainly not an entire year. I paled to think of what would be left of me after a year at that job. Would I recognize the ghost of a person who emerged after one whole year there? It did not feel remotely worth the agony.
So, I did what I have often done in my adult life, I honored my inner voice, and quit that job.
I worked for some time as a Freelance Graphic Designer, which was the closest I’ve come to the “starving artist” trope. But I continued to dream of being a small business owner. I now know this dream was largely fueled by my neurodivergent need for control, routine, and work I could live with doing the rest of my working years.
In 2021 after closing yet another failed business and receiving my AuDHD diagnosis, an understanding finally clicked into place. It was the answer I had been searching for my entire working life – the answer to the question of why I couldn’t secure stable work that offered a living wage.
- I have AuDHD and only about 61% of adults with Autism are employed in the U.S. That number drops to 48% worldwide.
- We’re living in late-stage capitalism which for a multitude of reasons renders my ability to secure stable work with adequate pay or operate a small business near impossible.
Millennials in general struggle with things our parents did not:
- Sky high college tuition and student loan debt
- Rent that has increased faster than salaries and was recently found to be controlled by an illegal algorithm
- A global pandemic
- Costly extreme environmental phenomenons: way more wildfires, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, land slides, scorching hot days
- A federal minimum wage of $7.25 that hasn’t changed since 2009, an abnormally long time for no update.
- A housing market few can buy into because, again, salaries and home prices have not increased symbiotically, the way they once used to.
- A business landscape in which way fewer “mom and pop” businesses exist, and increasingly, monopolies reign supreme
Sure, our parents faced their own unique struggles. But generally speaking, the challenges Millennials and younger generations face today are monumental by comparison.
Then add into the mix that you are neurodivergent or have another disability, and the hope of someday securing a comfortable life, with stable work, starts to take the shape of a silly fantasy.
Our parents were taught to, “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” and if you “put in the time and work hard enough, everything will work out”. Or basically, “A+B=C.” Easy peasy, right? When I tell my parents about my employment struggles, they give me versions of this response. Today, however A+B ≠ C. Instead the calculation is some hella complex mathematic equation that few have the ability to figure out.
With late-stage capitalism in full swing, bootstrapping and work ethic typically only make a difference if you’re born into money and have connections… and it also really helps if you’re a white neurotypical man.
We live in an era where no matter how much hard work you put into your career, it often doesn’t lead to success. Instead, all bootstrapping and working hard will get most neurodivergents and even neurotypicals, is burnout, a deep feeling of failure, and the fervent need to escape to the countryside to live on a homestead.
As much as our Boomer parents may be aware of the current problems we face, they often remain stuck in the same mentality. I get it, strategies that have been ingrained into you your whole life, strategies that have even worked for you in the past, are hard to put away.
It’s just a shame that a lifetime of experience, wisdom, and knowledge continuously gets stuck in this loop of outdated ideas, rather than being put to valuable use. I wish I could ask my parents for their insight, and they would filter their response through a modern lens that understands the their old approaches are not the best solution for me in 2024.
What’s the result of being stuck with old ideas and no new strategies? An inability to even begin the job hunt.
Brains are smart. Brains are logical. That’s kind of their whole deal. But many of our brains have been fooled too many times into believing that job hunting will actually secure us stable employment and a living wage. Through trial and error, our brains have come to know better than to believe that lie. Or at least our brains are convinced it’s a lie…
Mine being an ADHD brain, knows that I am deficient in dopamine. So it’s not going to fruitlessly dispel what little dopamine I have for a task that has proven in the past to be so wildly unsuccessful. No, that would be a dangerous waste of resources.
And so we remain stuck, in this exhausting loop of under-employment, searching endlessly for a solution with what little energy remains.
The entire time I’ve been writing this blog post, “Closer to 30” by Sarah Beth has been playing in my head. And honestly, it sums up this post so succinctly.