Category: Planning & Organization

Please Unsubscribe Me.

On February 23, 2024

I recently became enraged when a subscription I put a lot of time and energy into tracking, placed an order I did not anticipate, and sent me my umpteenth bottle of conditioner that I definitely did not need.

In recent years, many online businesses have adopted a product subscription business model. Product subscriptions are not only exceedingly capitalist, they also throw accessibility standards out the window.

To clarify, when I say “product subscription” I do not mean a service subscription, like how you receive your internet, phone service, or content streaming. Service subscriptions are the OG subscription model, and for them a subscription not only makes sense, it benefits both the business and the customer.

To make this more fun, below I’m going to refer to the product being sold as “bananas.”

In case you somehow haven’t encountered a company whose bananas are only available via product subscription, here’s a quick rundown:

A company using a product subscription requires you to commit to and schedule an ongoing (forever) order, to receive their bananas. On a scheduled date each month your account will be charged and a shiny new banana will arrive at your door.

A product subscription is different from auto-ship in a 3 key ways:

• When you put bananas on auto-ship, you have the freedom to select how often you’d like to receive your bananas. You can often schedule bananas to arrive anywhere from every week to upwards of every 6 months. Thus auto-ship is flexible to accommodate your budget, while still granting you the ease of automatic banana delivery.

However, with a subscription model you are limited to a narrow order window that often only allows you to schedule your next order a few weeks out (max). Which leads to you either receiving WAY too many bananas for one human, or being charged with the task of obsessively monitoring your banana subscription and pushing out your order date manually every few weeks.

• You can cancel an auto-ship order and still order those same bananas. You can also easily re-activate an auto-ship order, should you change your mind.

Whereas, if you cancel a subscription and want to re-order those same bananas, well… too bad! You’ll either have to set-up a brand new account, or go through a complex re-ordering process to regain access.

• You often receive a discount for setting up an auto-ship order.

Product subscriptions don’t offer a discount because a subscription is the only order method available.

Why are subscription models gross (hint: eww… capitalism)?

You had better hope you:

Earn a living wage.
Only need and use the bananas purchased via the subscription.
Are perfect at keeping track of your bills.

Doesn’t sound like you?

Well, you’re in the majority there. For a low-income individual, product subscriptions will punish you if you forget to reschedule an order that you don’t need. In fact, forgetting could completely derail your budget and may force you to dip into your savings, or worse forgo buying essentials, like food.

Subscriptions promise customers that “it will be so much easier if you don’t have to think about ordering more bananas when you need them and just let us handle it.” But in my experience, it’s only led to me having an overabundance of bananas that it will take me literal years to use… and bananas expire! These companies are suspiciously over-optimistic about the amount of bananas a single human needs… The wastefulness of the forced consumerism they are creating is nauseating.

For someone with ADHD, a product subscription is completely inaccessible. And unfortunately, sometimes a good product is only available via subscription… These companies are asking folks with ADHD to remember they have a subscription on a specific website, that requires routine check-ins every few weeks, unless they’re fine with receiving a bajillion bananas. Even with the best intentions and setting multiple reminders for myself, I still couldn’t remember to reschedule my orders. And I have hyper-organized Autism on my side to compensate for my ADHD! Yet I am still up to my ears in bananas that I won’t need for a long time. Y’all, this is the ADHD tax in action.

The subscription model was not designed for product-based businesses and it’s clear why. It is not good business to choose a sales model that doesn’t benefit your customers. Seriously – how do these companies expect to build a loyal consumer base?

Let’s be real. A business that puts money before customer joy, is just plain greedy… And personally, that’s not where I want to spend my hard earned dollars.

Traveling with AuDHD

By Kaïa

On March 24, 2023

In ADHD Info, Autism Info, Planning & Organization, Sensory Issues

As many of you know, I love to travel! In fact, I live to travel! If I could travel most of the year (and comfortably bring my cats along) I would.

But rather ironically, traveling goes against a lot of my neurodivergent needs. Traveling is unpredictable, it requires a lot of social energy, and it pushes my sensory sensitivities to the MAX. But somehow it fills me up and is entirely worth it!

The following is a guide for other neurodivergents and their traveling companions. I hope these tools will help make traveling more accessible for my fellow neurodivergents out there!

Steps to take & general recommendations for traveling as (or with) a neurodivergent individual:

1. Plan out your trip in great detail!

I cannot stress this one enough.

For me this means planning out each day of my trip. I’m flexible though, and often don’t assign a specific day to the “day plans” I create. Or in other words, what am I doing tomorrow on my trip? Well, which one of the day plans I created makes the most sense for the weather tomorrow, my predicted energy level, and what I’m in the mood for?

Some neurodivergents take this detailed planning a step further and plan out their meals. Knowing exactly what they’ll be ordering and eating each day is comforting to them.

Plan out your trip in the amount of detail that makes you feel the most comfortable. It’s a vacation after all, and you deserve to enjoy it!

My partner and I plan our trips in a shared Google spreadsheet that we both dump ideas into. Before an upcoming trip, I’ll use that accumulation of information to plan out the days of our trip. Planning provides you with a more predictable schedule for an otherwise unpredictable experience.

2. Always have (at least) a vague back-up plan for your “day plan” in case something falls through. This will help curb your anxiety if plans change.

3. Bring noise-canceling headphones and/or Loop ear plugs (or regular ear plugs) to minimize sensory overload as much as you can. Headphones and earplugs are not only great for the plane, they’re helpful in loud city settings that are overwhelming as is.

4. Bring sunglasses – Again, take care of those sensory concerns.

5. Even if it means you have to bring a larger suitcase, don’t skimp on bringing what you need to feel comfortable. Of course, still do this within reason (unless you’re Hermione Granger and have an extension charm on your bag).

For me this means bringing things that help me sleep better. I have enough trouble sleeping in my own bed, let alone in a strange bed in a new place.

6. If you’re traveling with a friend you’ve never traveled with, don’t make your first trip together a big important expensive trip. Try a local trip first to make sure your traveling styles mesh well together.

7. On that note, only travel with friends and family members who understand that you will need more structure in your travel itinerary.

Set yourself up for success! Make sure they understand that this structure exists to help you feel safe and in control of an unpredictable situation (traveling).

8. If possible, rely on a friend or family member to take photos for / of you.

My partner shares a lot of his photos with me in a shared Google Photos folder. Having access to his photos helps soothe my anxiety over having to remember to take my own photos.

Also, with a poor memory due to ADHD, photos are even more important to me because they help me remember what my brain will too easily forget.

9. While on your trip, use the bathroom whenever you see a bathroom… even if you don’t need one at the moment! Your ADHD brain will thank you later.

10. On that note, also drink water whenever you can! It’s hard enough to remember to drink water on a normal day with ADHD. Make sure you don’t become dehydrated while traveling.

11. While on your trip, be extra gentle with yourself! For me this means being mindful of how I spend my energy and avoiding loud crowded places as much as possible since they are especially draining for me. I need that energy for the rest of my trip!

What’s it Like Having Combined ADHD?

By Kaïa

On February 3, 2023

In ADHD Info, How You Can Help, My Childhood, Planning & Organization, Stimming & Fidgeting, The Basics

I’ll be honest, when my therapist suggested I might have ADHD, I was skeptical. I didn’t think I had the stereotypical traits of hyperactivity, impulsivity, a hunger for danger, or loud expressions of emotion. I have friends with ADHD and I didn’t feel like I could relate with them in that way.

But as it turns out, there is so much more to ADHD…

The ADHD stereotype we’re familiar with is largely based on the male experience with ADHD. But there are 3 known types of ADHD, and potentially even more unique expressions of it that we don’t even know about yet!

The 3 types of ADHD are: Hyperactive, Inattentive, and Combined. Hyperactive ADHD is where the stereotype originates from. Whereas, Inattentive ADHD is more common amongst women, and Combined ADHD is believed to be the most common form of ADHD.

I experience Combined ADHD which is a mix of Hyperactive and Inattentive. Though, I tend to express more Inattentive ADHD traits than Hyperactive ADHD.

I’d also like to note that since I have AuDHD, my Autism helpfully fills in many of the holes that my ADHD would otherwise leave empty. So my Autism + ADHD often do a delicate dance. Though sometimes they give up and fight it out like squabbling siblings.

There is another misunderstanding I would like to clear up about ADHD. Its name is misleading because it inaccurately describes the ADHD experience. ADHD is not an “attention deficit”. Rather it is an attention overload. When you have ADHD you have too much attention to give. As a result it can be difficult to wrangle in and control. It’s like a small child trying to walk an 100+ lb Saint Bernard.

In reality attention is often a strength those with ADHD possess. We just don’t know how to harness and control the overpowering amount of attention we have. Give someone with ADHD a task that deeply interests them, and they’ll be able to focus more deeply on it than a neurotypical person. This is called hyperfocus. I will often be so absorbed in a task that when a friend or family member comes over to talk to me, I won’t hear them because my attention is so consumed in what I am doing.

A natural way in which those with ADHD typically try to direct their attention is through fidgeting. When I was in 5th grade, I remember one of my teachers complaining to my parents that “Kaïa draws horses all over her school work.” The teacher was convinced there was NO WAY I could possibly be paying attention if I was constantly doodling horses all over my papers.

But in reality fidgeting is a common coping tool for those of us with ADHD. To get our BIG attention under control, we distract part of it with a mindless activity (like drawing), while the remainder of our attention focuses on the primary (more important) task at hand. I don’t remember exactly what happened afterwards with that teacher. But my parents encouraged me to keep drawing… just not too much on the work I handed in to that teacher.

So what does Combined ADHD look like for me? Below are 10 ways I experience it. There are many more ways, but that would be a long list!

I am highly creative and have an imagination that works in ways a neurotypical individual’s just doesn’t.
It is near impossible for me to sit still longer than 5 minutes. If I’m forced to sit still, you’ll inevitably see me fidgeting: doodling, stretching, changing how I’m sitting, scratching my head, twirling my hair, or taking a sip of a drink. I will do anything just to move!
It’s difficult for me to pay attention during long periods of talking (like during work meetings or a friend telling a story). No matter how much I want to pay attention, I am constantly having to remind my brain to pay attention… and even this act itself is distracting!
If I don’t make a to-do list for the next day, I will be completely overwhelmed by all the different directions my attention pulls me in. I will likely get nothing done. Fortunately, my Autism lives and breathes organization and it knows how to make tools to remedy this concern. But this takes a lot of effort!
It’s difficult for me to dive into a complex task unless I genuinely want to do that task because it takes a lot of mental energy to control my attention.
If I read your text and don’t immediately respond, I will probably forget to respond for a while (until I awkwardly remember to). If I do text you back, it will usually be an “essay” of a text because I need to share all the little details my attention is grasping onto!
Like your dog or cat, I too get the zoomies!
If I go to a restaurant, go shopping, or another public place, I often forget my wallet or another possession somewhere. As my grandma used to say about herself, “I’d forget my head if it weren’t attached to my body”.
I lose my phone around my home all the time. Most of my other belongings have a specific place they live for this reason.
Conversations with me go off on many tangents.

Unlike my Autism, I feel my ADHD is typically easier to navigate and work around. My Autism is a huge help in creating that work around.

You can help me too by keeping your stories succinct, letting me move around, helping me keep track of my belongings, and forgiving me if I don’t text you back immediately. Please know that I want so badly to pay attention and be present with you, but my brain has other plans!

Why change can be so difficult for those with Autism

By Kaia

On November 15, 2022

In ADHD Info, Autism Info, How You Can Help, Masking, My Childhood, Planning & Organization, The Basics

Schedule changes are one of the most common triggers that my friends + family may encounter with me.

Generally speaking, very few of us like change. Change is uncharted territory. It is unpredictable, unforeseen, and may take away something we very much enjoy. But for some individuals with Autism, change can be debilitating.

As neurodivergents we must mask our behaviors to behave how neurotypicals expect us to. Let me tell you, that task alone takes A LOT of energy! And I have to do this every day. Masking one’s Autism may also prove too challenging or confusing for some individuals, and is simply not possible.

I personally didn’t realize how much energy I had been spending for the first 30 years of my life pretending to be ok with tasks or events that actually made me very uncomfortable. So change can be the “nail in the coffin” by making it even more exhausting to fit into a neurotypical world.

For this reason, many of us with Autism plan out our day. In fact, if I had an infinite amount of time, I would plan out my day to the most minute detail. Creating a set schedule for the day can help those of us with Autism predict what events or tasks we need to mentally prepare for, tell us how to best spend our energy, and thereby give us a sense of control in a world that can otherwise feel difficult to navigate. This is “spo o n theory” at its finest!

I have been planning out my day ever since I was issued my first planner (book) in middle-school. It was then that I learned the “power of planning”! Back then I was instructed to write down my class schedule, take note of each homework assignment, and record its corresponding due date.

Today, (thank God) I no longer have homework! But I still religiously plan out my day in an effort to spend my limited energy efficiently, and have a better idea of what to expect tomorrow. This ensures that I have enough energy left over for myself at the end of the day… you know, to have fun! If I don’t plan out my day I feel completely lost.

The analogy that always conveniently pops into my head is a wooden row boat floating in a vast ocean, with no destination, and without means to propel itself through the water. The boat is simultaneously floating around, but stuck, and heading no where in particular.

My ADHD makes my need to plan even more critical. ADHD causes me bounce around from task to task, making it difficult to track how much time I’m spending, and thereby making me take way longer to complete basic tasks. Planning out my days keeps my ADHD productively occupied, and makes me feel accomplished. In addition, once I have a plan for the day, my Autism brain memorizes it fairly well, and usually prevents my ADHD from also forgetting what I should be doing. I’m grateful that in this sense my Autism can often keep its ADHD sibling in check.

However, when changes arise during the day, no matter if they’re good or bad, they can really throw me off. Changes to my schedule often send me in a downward spiral of frustration and confusion. As a result, I sometimes end up spending a lot of time trying to rebuild my sense of stability. This frustrates me further, because it often feels like I’m wasting time. But I’m working on being gentle with myself, and recognizing that even though this unforeseen change was likely unnecessary, the time I need to recover is.

Fortunately, with practice I’ve gotten pretty good at staying calm and talking myself through unexpected events. I’m also better at recognizing good changes in the day (like a friend suddenly inviting me to hang out that evening) as something truly “good”. But it can still feel like that little bit of control I have managed to scrape together is being stolen away from me. It can feel unfair. It can feel disorienting. It can feel defeating.

So how can you be more mindful of my (and other’s) schedule change sensitivities? Here are 6 ways you can help:

Try to make plans with me only if you are certain you will be able to keep them. If your plans do change, please try to give me as much advance warning as possible. Even if this means letting me know that the plans might change.
Be a good communicator. Be honest + open about how you want to spend our time together. Clearly communicating our plans will help me know what to mentally prepare for.
Respond “Yes” to the calendar invite I send you for our planned time together.
Let me know when you are leaving to meet me somewhere, or when you are leaving to pick me up. I will do likewise!
If plans are canceled, if possible reschedule the plans immediately. Rescheduling will help me overcome the schedule change by knowing the canceled plan will still happen.
Don’t take it personally if I am distant, vague, or unemotional when you cancel plans with me. I am trying to protect you from my tsunami of emotions.